"Relaxism is an attitude, a state of mind if you will, not a lifestyle. " -Supreme Guru of Relaxism RELAXISM NEWSLETTER issue 02 volume 01 -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Check out www.relaxism.com January 5, 2001 AD for weekly updates! January 2, 0000 Rx Fellow Relaxists: Fully refreshed and raring to go after the holiday break, we bring you the latest January 5 update of www.relaxism.com. Chalk full of witty banter and hard core nudity*, we strongly encourage you to see what's new! In the news this week, an interesting political development emerges in Canada. Read On... QUOTE OF THE WEEK ---------------- "Define 'Goal': The final purpose or aim, the end to which a design tends, or which a person aims to reach or attain. eg: Each individual seeks a goal." (if you didn't find it already - go to relaxism.com to find the hidden "reply to the quote of the week"!) RELAXISM WEB FUND ----------------- Due to the unforeseen costs, an unusually long development cycle, and the sheer amount of quality put into making relaxism.com, we have gone just a tad overbudget. Severe downsizing accomplished little cost recovery, and only really served to anger our trained monkeys. As a result, the Relaxism Web Fund has been established to finance future upgrades and fend off the primate rebellion. Contributions to the fund by any and all Relaxism members are gladly expected. Just send your check or money order to: The Relaxism Web Fund P.O Box 172 24 Sussex Drive Ottawa, Ontario PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA TO ENFORCE UNUSUAL REGIONAL CHANGES TO COUNTRY ----------------------------------------------------------------------- During a recent press conference, Prime Minister Jean Chretien of the Canadian Liberal Party "proposed" several surprise changes to the geographical divisions currently used by the country. Here is an excerpt from that conference (helps if you imagine Chretien's French Canadian accent while reading): "Hello fellow Canadians. As the King of Canada, I hereby decree, that the following changes will be made to the country. First of all, the 4 western provinces of British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba will be consolidated into one new province along with Ontario. This new province will hereby be known as 'Jeantario'. This province will be divided into 104 federal ridings, 100 of those political ridings will be based in the greater Toronto and Ottawa areas, with the final 4 ridings divided amongst the rest of the land." Shocked news reporters attributed Chretien's plans to a crazed power trip brought about by a third majority win in last November's election. "It's finally gone to his head," one reporter noted "I mean, what to people expect. The guy bumbles his way through the November campaign, is heavily criticized by the public, media, and his own Liberal party members, and still wins the election by a landslide." Chretien had the following explanation for the changes: "I truly believe that this will further unite the country and enable us to deliver a balanced approach to government. No more will Westerners have to feel isolated from the rest of Canada. All Jeantarians will benefit from the consolidation." When asked by reporters why he called himself the "King of Canada" and thought he could just "decree" these changes, Prime Minister Chretien turned to his Cabinet Ministers in confusion and asked them: "What do they mean? I won the election, didn't I?" Relaxism News Correspondent Ottawa, Jeantario. ------------ *Disclaimer: There may or may not be any actual hard core nudity.