So you're probably a little confused about what this Relaxism thing is all
about, right? Hey, that's why you came to this FAQ in the first place. No?
Then what are doing here, go away!...Naw, just kidding, you guys are
alright. Anyways, here are a few typical questions that the Supreme Guru
(SG) and myself (the High Priest (HP)) have answered to clear up any issues.
1) So, what is Relaxism all about?
Well, we're about relaxing. We thought you would sort of figure that out
from the name, but this is a FAQ afterall.
2) Are you guys some sort of strange cult?
HP: Yes.
SG: No. We're a religion.
HP: I mean no.
3) What do you guys do as part of this cult?
HP: Relax.
SG: Relax.
4) Can I join and how much does it cost?
HP: For an optional fee of $119.95, you can relax as much as you want for
free.
5) Are you serious?
SG: In general, no. About the answer to question 4, yes.
6) OK, I sort of understand now. But how did Relaxism start?
SG: You do understand? Could you explain it to me sometime?
HP: Well, this is a tale for the ages. 6 score and 2 years ago, or was it
one year ago, well, anyway, the Supreme Guru and myself were sitting
down for a chat about the state of the world today. At that point in
time, terrorists in Afghanistan were declaring jihads, otherwise known
as holy wars, on everyone in sight. We thought to ourselves, "Man,
these people really need to relax." And so Relaxism was born and has
evolved to its state today. OK, it hasn't evolved much, but now we have
a website to share our relaxed thoughts. So now you know, and knowing
is half the battle.
7) What battle?
HP: I don't know. Relax.
SG: We don't condone battling, so please refrain from asking such questions.
8) Wow! That's an incredible story. Tell me, are there any rules to
Relaxism? That wouldn't be very relaxed would it?
HP: Well, in fact, we do have our version of the 10 commandments. We have
tried very hard not to be very strict, but you'll have to read them for
yourself.
1) Relax
2) No holy wars
3) Relax
4) Relax
5) Relax
6) Remember commandment 2? That's right no holy wars.
7) Relax
8) Relax
9) Relax
10) Relax
We hope these rules really don't break your stride very much. But if they
do, well, relax, and you'll be back on your way.
SG: Commandment number 7 was my idea.
9) Those are the best commandments I've ever heard! But tell me, why are
they so repetitive?
HP: Well, the Supreme Guru and myself thought it was probably a good idea to
drive this point across. Consider the Crusades. Not to be knocking
another religion, but I don't think they quite got the point of 'Thou
shall not kill'. So, the Supreme Guru and I thought it would be prudent
to repeat relax several times, and the point of no holy wars. And that
is, quite coincidentally, the word that is most often repeated in this
document and web site.
SG: It was easier to copy and paste the same word over and over again rather
than typing different commandments.
10) What word?
SG: Relax.
11)OK, but what if I'm not very relaxed? Can I become a Relaxist?
HP: No. Just kidding. Sure. But only if you feel like it. Just remember,
becoming a Relaxist is a way of life. You must feel relaxed at all time.
Be relaxed. Feel the relaxation flowing out of you and soothing the
world. Always remember your right to be relaxed. And that there's a
difference between being relaxed and comatose.
SG: Oh no! "becoming a Relaxist is a way of life." You just contradicted our
underlying philosophy we put up in the browser header: "Relaxism is an
attitude; a state of mind if you will, not a lifestyle."
What will we do? Our credibility is ruined! Our disciples will lose
faith! Is it the end of Relaxism as we know it?
Heh, heh. Just kidding. We contradict ourselves all the time. In fact,
let's make a contest out of this... Hey, look! I just made a contest out
of it!
Contest:
So here's the deal. Read through our entire website and search for any
instances where we have completely contradicted ourselves regarding the
Relaxism philosophies and beliefs (see above for example).
Email your submissions to myself. Put the words
"Contradictory Contest" in the subject line of the email, or anything
remotely close to that for you poor spellers out there.
The reader who finds the most unique instances will win a prize! No time
limit or prize has been decided yet, but send them in anyway!
(Hey, relax - I just thought of this) I'm so excited, here's another
sentence ending with an exclamation mark!
12) How do I become a Relaxist?
HP: You just did.
SG: Next, feel free to fill out this 10 page, voluntary application and
email it to either the High Priest or myself. We'll let you know in 8
to 10 weeks if you made the cut.
13) That was really easy. Now do I get anything for joining?
HP: Well, we're supposed to be a religion, but we're pretty relaxed about
that. So we're giving out these really comfy purple robes to the first
twenty people that email the High Priest at highpriest@relaxism.com.
14) Are you serious?
HP: Well, no. But if the demand is great enough, more than one person wants
a nice comfy purple robe, the Supreme Guru and I will consider ordering
some more of this superb Relaxist garment.
15) Is there anything else that I get?
HP: It's always about you isn't it? Me, me, me, that's all you think about.
We think you got to relax. But anyway, right now we're offering a free
email address at relaxism.com. Think about it. You can be
'your_name_here@relaxism.com'. What a great address, eh? And then you'll
be the first to get our bi-annual newsletters.
SG: Peace of mind and a free Relaxism tote bag (while supplies last).
16) How do I sign up?
HP: Click here.
SG: No, that's the wrong link. Click here instead.
17) What are some of the daily activities of Relaxists?
HP: Mostly relaxing. But one should do all things while relaxed.
SG: Or should one relax while doing all things? And if a tree falls in the
forest, are you relaxed when it hits the ground? That is the riddle for
you to solve, grasshopper.
18) Will being Relaxist interfere with any of my other religious duties?
HP: Of course not. We are quite relaxed about such things, and there are no
duties for Relaxism, other than relaxing, that could possibly interfere
with any other religion. The only that might come up is if you're an
active participant of Stressism. No, that can't be because you would be
too stressed to surf the web. We're glad you're relaxed too.
19) Can my friends join?
HP: Sure
20) When is the Relaxist New Year?
HP: The Relaxist New Year falls somewhere between August and October. Feel
free to celebrate it anytime between then. Or anytime that is not
between them. I try to celebrate it everyday.
SG: Except during a leap year. Then we leap ahead 1 year in the Relaxism
calendar to avoid worrying about how leap years affect our calendar.
It's just easier that way.
21) What does one do on the Relaxist New Year?
SG: Are you sure you're getting the point of this Relaxism thing?
22) How many uses of the word relax are there anyway?
HP: Well, that's a really good question. Relax is one of the most expressive
words in the English language. One could say 'Relax' soothingly, or
'Relax already' for someone to quit bothering you or 'Relax' as a piece
of advice. Relax can also be used as a proper noun in 'Relaxist', verb
as in 'Relax,' an adverb 'relaxed run', an adjective 'a relaxed email
address', or 'What a relaxed rock'. It can be used as an exclamation as
'Relax!', an antecedent as 'He's one relaxed High Priest', a gerund in
'This is one relaxing FAQ', a participle in 'What a relaxing rock', or
even a predicate in 'The High Priest is relaxing right now.' In
fact you can have two of these usages at once, like 'The relaxed rock
is relaxing with the relaxed High Priest who relaxedly said,
"Relax!"'I'm sure you're getting the point.
SG: I think there's about 3, give or take a few.
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