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Teachings of the High Priest
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01/05/01 - Just recently, someone asked the High Priest why he sleeps on the floor. Is he stupid? Crazy? Extremely poor? The answer is probably a little bit of each. But there are quite a few advantages to sleeping on the floor. Yes, it's true. And it should be noted that the majority of the world does not sleep on beds. I mean, everyone else is doing it and 5 billion people can't all be wrong, can they? If you refuse to succumb to the above ridiculous argument, then I've actually listed a plethora of reasons to sleep on the floor.

  1. It is quite space efficient. In fact, now your bed will double as a couch and triple as a floor.
  2. You never have to make your bed.
  3. Mattresses are now freed up to be used as blankets. (Note: The High Priest has tried this and it can be kind of heavy).
  4. The ceiling is very far away and seems quite high, so you start thinking that you have a very expensive room.
    (SG's note: Or you could realize that you are dirt poor because you are sleeping on the floor)
  5. If you move often, every new place feels just like home. I mean every room has a floor, so how can you go wrong?
  6. If you are using your bed as a couch also, you will realize that sitting on the most uncomfortable seating is now comfortable.
  7. Makes a trip to Sleep Country seem like a special holiday.
  8. It's a great way to shed your materialistic image.
  9. One can move from a Single to a King sized bed at absolutely no expense.
  10. Makes for easy furniture rearrangement.
  11. Provides many hours of conversation and debate, and you can even write an article for a web page about this subject.
  12. You could tell your grandkids, "When I was your age, I didn't even have a bed!"
  13. It's cool in the summer, and it's warm in the winter (closer to heating source)
  14. What would you rather have, crumbs on your bed, or crumbs on your floor?
  15. Great for your sleep adaptation skills. You can sleep in the living room, or under some table, and you wouldn't know the difference.
  16. No chance of getting up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning.
  17. No little kids getting excited about jumping on your bed.
  18. You can get money from your parents: "I don't even have a bed."
    Or tell your kids, "We can't give you any money. Your parents don't even have a bed."
  19. The stucco on your ceiling will look like stars.
  20. The light isn't so blindingly close.
  21. You can pawn your bed for cash or donate it somewhere to alleviate guilt.
  22. No more fear of heights to contend with.
  23. None of the inconvenience of getting out of bed. You just get up off the floor. Trust me. It's a lot easier.
  24. In case of a fire, the smoke will rise, leaving you safely on the floor.
  25. If your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/fiance/etc comes over, you can tell them it sounds better if you have "sex on the floor" or "it makes it easier to move from the bed to the floor. The possibilities are endless.
  26. It's healthier. No longer will you have a spine curved like you've been sleeping in a hammock for the past twenty years. Great for posture.
You probably agree with me now and think that sleeping on the floor is great. But is it really that comfortable? I believe it's really a function of personal preference.

For instance, sleeping on a hammock is extremely comfortable, but trying to walk after isn't very fun at all. So, if you are sleeping on a decent mattress, then you can forego all the advantages of sleeping on the floor for slightly increased comfort. But if your mattress is in the shape of a C, maybe it's time to give the floor a shot. Read The Art of Relaxing and it will give you step by step instructions to setting up your floor. It's better than just walking on it, and remember - there's a floor everywhere you go. You can get a good night's rest everywhere, and hence you will be relaxed. OK, that really had nothing to do with this article, but afterall this is Relaxism, and I feel it's necessary to throw that in there once in a while.

The High Priest

Dec 15, 2000
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