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01/05/01 - Removing one's bed can be a arduous process, but is a very desirable and worthwhile result. If you are wondering why you should sleep on the floor, consult the Teachings of the High Priest for January 5th, 2001. This "Art of Relaxing" article contains simple instructions on how to remove your bed successfully. Good luck!

As we now all know, the removal of the bed is absolutely necessary. Here is a run down of the major processes involved in the transition from sleeping on a bed to sleeping on the floor:

Construction of a Bed out of Blankets:
This is pretty easy. You take a couple of blankets and put them on the floor to get the desired softness. More blankets = Softer. Pretty easy.

Removal of Bed:
This is also pretty easy. Make sure you have somewhere to put your disassembled bed and clear things out of the way before you start removing your bed.

  1. Wake up and get out of your bed.
  2. Find the required type of screwdriver to take apart the base of your bed.
  3. Remove your mattress and box-spring and store them in a vertical position.
  4. Take apart the base of your bed with the screwdriver found in part 1).
  5. Store the base parts alongside the mattress and box-spring.
Donation of Bed:
Arrange your undesired bed to be picked up by a certified bed removal and storage service.

WARNING: Do not attempt to throw away your bed on your own! Only trained professionals in the bed removal and storage industry should handle discarded bed parts. Suffocation from fallen mattresses or intense drowsiness may result if this warning is not heeded.

Go to sleep on your new floor/bed - hereby referred to as the "Bed formerly known as the floor".

Successful removal of the bed does more than just make you feel more relaxed. This new practice will spark great economic growth with the need for bed storage and maintenance facilities. These facilities, hereby referred to as "Bed" rooms, could potentially employ thousands of new workers. So, you see, it is just not in your own best interest to remove your bed. It is your responsibility; nay, your duty to get rid of your bed in the interest of world wide economic growth and prosperity.


Dec 15, 2000
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